


Idiots Part VIII

by JadeMoon



Series: Idiots [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Fear, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Idiots in Love, Lust, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Shame, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 14:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeMoon/pseuds/JadeMoon
Summary: Hayley's efforts to keep everyone out don't seem to be working. As those walls start to crumble again she starts to wonder if maybe she's been alone too long and maybe the two men she most admires (desires) aren't out to hurt her after all. Maybe Hayley's own self destructive tendencies will be her downfall.





	Idiots Part VIII

Hayley sits in the office of the shrink and watches as the woman jots little notes on her little pad. She’s rude, condescending ...nice to see nothing has changed since the last goddamn nut doctor she saw. 

“Tell me again why you think you deserved the treatment you received from Agent Lannister.”

“We’ve been over this four times in the last hour. Isn’t my time up?” Hayley asks. She’s about had it with this shit today. First it was seeing Steve and having to stick to her guns when he looked so hurt by her, and then it was Bucky who’s parting words damn near broke her. But that’s what they want. 

“Tell me again. Please. I’m here to help--”

“So you’ve said. If you were here to help you would have taken notes the first four times I told you this story. You want to know what happened? Ask Agent Hill or Director Fury for a copy of the story.”

“You have a lot of hostility about this. How do you cope with these negative emotions?”

Hayley barks out a mean laugh. 

“I thought that would be obvious. I waste my time telling someone like you the same story over and over and over and over and over and over--”

“I’m not your enemy, Agent Stone.”

“If I had a goddamn nickel for every time I’ve heard that recently I’d be rich.”

More note writing. Oh Fury’s going to have her skull mounted on a wall for this. No more missions for this gal. She’s too much of a hostile nutjob.

“I’ve read over what you wrote. It’s written from the perspective of someone who assumes guilt over what was done to them. You are a victim, Agent--”

“Jesus Christ,” Hayley mutters. 

“You are a victim,” the shrink continues as if Hayley had said nothing, “what happened to you was not your fault. The person who did it has his own severe issues. The people who allowed it to continue are being dealt with. You can’t hide in this mire of yours forever. There is life outside of this Hell you’ve been imprisoned in.”

“Ah yes, with sunshine and rainbows and farting unicorns, right?”

“Cynicism is a defense mechanism, did you know that?”

“I’m not the shrink, you are, remember?”

She nods her head and jots more bullshit down.

“How has this affected your relationships?”

“What relationships?”

“Friends, romantic involvements…”

“I have no friends and I choose not to get romantically involved.”

“You don’t see a problem with that?”

“Can’t get hurt if you don’t get attached.”

“That’s not anyway to live, Agent Stone.”

“But clearly judging people based on their lifestyle is.”

“I think that’s enough for today. I will see you again on Thursday.”

“Wait, wait, wait. No. I was told this was a once a week shit fest--”

“Based on my observations. I’m requiring you to be here twice a week. You’re not on active duty until I release you.”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” Hayley roars. 

“I’ll let Director Fury know.”

==================================================================

Bucky is fidgeting with the fake leaves on the plastic garbage plant when he hears Hayley bellowing obscenities at the shrink. He misses that girl so much but he can’t help but smile at her wild outburst. Ol’ Doc Gavanaugh must have hit a nerve with Hails. He’s never heard her that vocal. 

That puts a damper on his mood. He’s never heard her that open or vocal and if things go the way they are now he most likely never will. Steve told him what happened in the training room and how Hails had acted. And while it’s a relief that she’s not shutting just him out, it hurts to think she’s closed herself off to them completely now. Everyone says to give her time, but...what if that’s not enough?

Hayley marches out of the office without even glancing at him. That hurts even more. He doesn’t realize he’s going after Hails until he hears Gavanaugh call his name.

“James, it’s your turn.”

He groans and walks into her office. 

“How are you, James?”

“Swell.”

“Care to tell me why you were following Agent Stone out of the office?”

“No.”

“Hmm.”

Bucky tugs at the hem of his t-shirt. 

“You’re fidgeting, James. I only see you do that when you’re nervous or upset. Want to tell me about it?”

“No.”

“James, we’ve talked about this. You have to express your feelings or you’re never going to heal.”

Bucky looks at the door. He’d give anything to cuddle with Hayley or just hold her hand. He craves physical contact with her so badly…

“James?”

He looks up from his shirt like a scolded child. 

“Tell me about your week.”

This makes him laugh.

“It’s sucked so far.”

“Why is that?”

He goes back to pulling on the hem of his shirt. 

“I have to remind myself that even though you are chronologically over one hundred years old, mentally you are the same age you were when you went to war.”

“What the hell does that mean?” he demands. Gavanaugh gives him a knowing smile.

“It means your maturity level is that of your mental age. You’re still growing up, James. You’ve seen quite a bit, you’ve done quite a bit more, but you’re still growing up, you’re still learning. You’re still trying to figure out how to process your feelings.”

“I’m a monster who killed people, not a twenty year old punk kid from the forties trying to figure out how to get his rocks off before he gets shipped out,” Bucky growls. 

“Aren’t you?”

“Stop that.”

“James, who has you upset and nervous? Are you and Steve fighting?”

“No, mom, we’re not fighting.”

Gavanaugh chuckles. 

“Tell me about your week.”

Bucky looks at the door again.

“I have you for an hour, James, you may as well talk to me.”

He groans.

“Just tell me about what has you so nervous, James. You know you don’t have to name any one that’s upset you.”

Bucky swallows. He’s trapped in here till he gives her some fucking answers. Goddammit.

“I met a girl.”

“That’s great! It’s time you put yourself out there again, James. Is she nice?”

“I think so. Smart, pretty, funny, seems to be caring.”

“Seems to be?”

“Never witnessed it really first hand like someone else has. He’s gotten closer to her than I have.”

“Has this caused issues between you and this other person?”

“Once. It’s been resolved.”

“And this woman, is she aware of how you feel about her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” he says looking up at Gavanaugh. He doesn’t really know if Hayley understands how he feels about her or if she even cares.

“Have you told her?”

“Tried to.”

“What happened?”

“She kind of...flipped out I guess. She’s got a lot of her own issues she’s dealing with. She’s stonewalling me right now.”

“Stonewalling?”

“Stonewalling. Putting up a cold front. She won’t talk to me or the other guy.”

“I see. Is this what has you upset?”

“I suppose.”

“James, we’ve talked about being honest with yourself.”

“Yes, this is what has me upset. I want this dame to like me. I want to be around her. I want to…” he puckers his lips.

“You feel that strongly about her?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what a formerly-brain-damaged-mentally-only-twenty-something-horndog like me feels.”

“Horndog. That’s a new one from you.”

“Jesus Christ,” he growls.

“Is she the reason your week has been bad or is there more to it?”

“Bad dreams, lack of sleep, getting tired of fisting my cock...you know, the usual.”

Gavanaugh isn’t phased by his crass remarks. She just nods her head and makes notes. He’d love to see what the hell she writes in that little pad of hers. 

“Have you tried meditating like I suggested?”

“I meditated on her. I ended up going to bed after taking a cold fucking shower.”

“That’s fantasizing, James, I know you know the difference.”

She’s chiding him. He fucking hates that.

“Have you thought of any other outlets to release this pent up tension?”

“I can’t draw, cooking at three in the morning seems excessive, working out at the gym only does so much, jacking off only does so much, watching TV only does so much…”

“What about journaling, James? We’ve talked about you getting back into that habit previously.”

“Why bother? They took all my other journals. God knows what the fuck happened to them.”

“I’ll talk to Director Fury to see if we can possibly recover those. Do you think starting a new one about what’s going on now might help?”

He shrugs.

“Did writing things down help you before?”

He furrows his brow and considers this. 

“Sort of. A little. It was mostly just me trying to write down things I was starting to remember so I wouldn’t forget them again.”

“You can still do that. Write down the things that make you happy so you can look back on them when you’re having a bad day. Maybe that will help. Write down ideas for new recipes. Write down your thoughts that keep you awake.”

“Hmph.”

“Will you try it and see if it helps? You may be surprised.”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll make you a deal, James. If you make an attempt to keep a journal - honestly make an attempt - I’ll let you leave early today.”

“Just today?”

“Just today, James. But only if you promise to try it out. I still think meditating would be beneficial to you, but this might be the better avenue for you.”

“Fine,” he agrees. Sitting here any longer is going to drive him insane. He’s picked the seam open on the hem of his t-shirt as it is.

“I’ll see you next week. And, James, I expect to see this journal. I won’t read it, I just expect to see something written in it.”

He gives her a mock salute and bounds from the room. He heads to his quarters and flops on the couch.

“Twenty year old my ass,” he mutters into the cushion. 

==================================================================

It’s been three weeks since Hayley rebuilt her protective barrier around herself. She’s avoided any contact with the other Avengers outside of doing training and acknowledging them in the halls. It hasn’t been easy. The guys have tried to talk to her and she’s shut them down each time, but each time it’s been harder and harder. The hurt look in their eyes drives her to the brink of madness. She starts to doubt herself and question if maybe she’s wrong about them. All of them. Maybe they aren’t all like Lannister. Maybe she’s not a wretched soul. 

Gavanaugh seems intent on convincing her she’s not the worthless piece of shit Hayley has come to believe she is. And that only increases her doubts. But she’s not cried once since getting her shit together. She’s more focused. She bested Romanov in training much to the former spy’s chagrin and the delight and awe of the recruits. 

“How are things going?” Gavanaugh asks. Hayley is looking out the window at Rogers and Barnes who are mock fighting with each other. Rogers pretends to punch Barnes in the gut and Barnes pops Rogers upside his head and then laughs when Rogers chases after him. 

“Agent Stone?”

“What? Sorry.”

“Something outside has you distracted? Should we close the blinds?”

“No,” Hayley says walking away from the window and sitting on the funky chaise. 

“How has your week been so far?”

“Same shit different day.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Sometimes the mundane can be helpful. Have you given any more thought to what I said about putting yourself out there more?”

“If you’re referring to Tony’s shindig the answer is no, I will not be going.”

“I think it would do you a great deal of good to show that you’re not afraid of people.”

“Who the fuck said I was afaid of people?” Hayley demands.

“Isn’t that why you’ve locked yourself away and refused all social contact with your teammates?”

Fucking bitch….

“That’s my choice.”

“So it is. But it also gives the appearance that you have something to hide and that you’re afraid.”

“That’s such utter goddamn bullshit. Who put you up to this? Stark? _Get a red dress. You’ll look good in a red dress_ ,” she says imitating Stark’s words to her. 

“Was he right?”

“How the hell should I know? I wore the fucking thing for ten minutes before I left the last party.”

“Why did you leave?”

“I had a headache.”

“Hmm.”

“What?” Hayley snaps. She knows Gavanaugh doesn’t believe her and that irks the shit out of her. 

“Was it really a headache or was it an excuse to leave because you were uncomfortable?”

“I was injured. I had head trauma. I had a headache. I left. It has nothing to do with Sharon Carter hanging all over Steve like a cheap suit.”

Gavanaugh’s eyes widen. Hayley smacks herself in the head for being stupid enough to relay this to the woman. 

“I see.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You could elaborate for me so that I would.”

“Don’t think so, doc.”

“You realize the longer you fight me, the longer you’re off the roster. That means you can’t do solo missions either.”

“Maybe you should tell Fury to just release me from the team and replace me with someone who is fit for duty then,” Hayley fires back. Gavanaugh shakes her head no.

“Director Fury wants you here because you are more than capable of handling yourself in extreme situations. For example when you and Sergeant Barnes ran that mission together.”

Hayley groans in dismay.

“I understand you kept a very level head even while the super soldier was in the throws of fever delirium. Not many people would be able to do that, Agent Stone.”

“I did what I had to do to make sure he was taken care of. I’m expendable, he is not.”

“Who told you that you were expendable?”

“It’s a known fact. If it comes down to choosing between a regular agent and a super soldier, the team will choose the super soldier.”

“Why would they have to choose?”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“And you believe that this choice would result in someone choosing Captain Rogers or Sergeant Barnes over you as opposed to saving both or all of you?” Gavanaugh asks as she taps her pen against the little pad. 

Hayley gives the woman a cold stare.

“This is something we need to talk about, Agent. I know about the fight that broke out between you and Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes because of that mission--”

“Oh god here we go,” Hayley mutters and folds her arms over her chest. 

“What caused the fight, Agent Stone?”

“A misunderstanding.”

“How so?”

“If you already know about this why the hell do I need to tell you?” Hayley demands.

“I want to hear it from your perspective.”

“No.”

“Agent Stone, I’m trying to help you see past these walls you’ve built around yourself. I can’t do this if you don’t help me.”

“These walls I’ve built are there for a reason, Doc. They keep me safe. They keep me from getting hurt. They allow me to do my goddamn job. Why is this suddenly a fucking problem?”

“Because your view of your own self worth is so deteriorated that it makes you a liability. Going into a mission with the idea that you could die and that would be fine isn’t good for anyone on the team. You put the others at risk by putting yourself at risk--”

“They. Don’t. Care.”

“Who doesn’t care?”

“Everyone,” Hayley says throwing her arms open wide. “The whole goddamn universe.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I don’t think it, I _know it_. No one gives two shits about me.”

“If that were the case than why would Director Fury have you here with me?”

“To torment me further because that’s everyone’s favorite fucking game.”

“What about Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes? Do you really believe they don’t care?”

“Why would they? What possible fucking reason would they have to care?”

“Because you are a member of their team, just like Agent Maximoff, Vision, Agent Barton, Agent Romanov--”

“They have history. They’re family,” Hayley cuts in, waving away the foolish words the woman is dribbling. 

“What happened on the mission?”

“Read the report.”

“There are two different versions of this report,” Gavanaugh says getting up for her dopey looking chair and going to her desk. “Sergeant Barnes’ report says that he was critically wounded, fell into a frozen pond, and was subsequently saved by you on both counts. While he doesn’t recall the fever dreams, he does recall - in detail - how you stitched his wounds closed, forced him out of his freezing clothes, bundled him in everything you could find including your own coat in order to warm him back up, made him eat and drink, and,” she flips over a few pages, “by his recollection he woke up with you behind him holding him to keep him warm. You’re report is that he was shot, he fell into the ice, you pulled him out, he took care of himself. That is a big difference--”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Hayley asks feeling like she’s being put on the defensive.

“No. I’m simply stating that there are two different versions of what happened. Director Fury informed me that after this you requested to be reassigned to the abandoned HYDRA base in Siberia.”

“And?”

“Why would you request to be assigned there, Agent Stone?”

“I like solitude.”

“What happened between you and Sergeant Barnes on that mission?”

“Not a goddamn thing.”

“Then why the discrepancy?”

“Ask him.”

“Agent Stone, please let me help you. It’s what I’m here for. I’m not--”

“Don’t fucking say it, lady. I’m sick of hearing this bullshit line _I’m not your enemy_.”

“Why do you think it’s bullshit?”

“No one wants to be my friend. No one wants to be near me. No one wants me. At all. Ever. I don’t understand why you fucking people cannot grasp this concept. I am not some goddamn chew toy for you fucking people to gnaw on and toss to the side when you are done.”

“You’re absolutely right, Hayley Stone. You are not a chew toy, you are a fierce woman who needs to see her own value.”

==================================================================

“Hello, Captain Rogers.”

“Doctor Gavanaugh,” Steve mutters as he sits on the couch and runs his fingers through his hair. He loathes being in this office. Fury wants them all to talk to the shrink at least once a month. Something about making sure they catch any issues before a psychotic episode breaks out. 

“How have you been?”

“Swell. How are you?”

Gavanaugh smiles her trained smile that makes Steve’s skin crawl.

“I’m well, but we’re here to talk about you. Tell me how things have been going. How are you and Sergeant Barnes adjusting to working together?”

“Same as the last time. We’re getting along just fine. He does his thing and I do mine.”

“Is that how it was for you when the two of you were younger?”

“No. He tried to take care of me as best he could.”

“You’re very fond of him.”

“I’ve known the son of a bitch for almost a century, of course I’m fond of him.”

“Has his return impacted your relationships with the other members of the team?”

“No.”

“That’s good. I know you wanted a smooth transition for him into this. How are you doing on the relationship front? Is having Sergeant Barnes around helping or hindering you there?”

Steve blinks slowly. 

“Neither.”

That’s a lie.

“There are no judgments here and anything you tell me is held in confidence, Captain Rogers. Doctor-Patient confidentiality.”

“Unless Fury wants it.”

“Not even Director Fury can access these records. Is there something you’d like to discuss off the record?”

“Turn it off.”

“FRIDAY, end recording for session 11401, patient Rogers, Steven.”

“Recording has ended, Doctor Gavanaugh.”

“I know you see Hayley and Bucky, too. Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” Steve asks.

“No. I don’t discuss them with you or you with them. They are my patients, just as you are.”

Steve rubs his eyes tiredly.

“Bad dreams again?”

“The usual. Watching Buck fall from the train over and over and over. Not being able to save him. Seeing that blank look in his eyes in New York when he didn’t recognize me. Watching Hayley ignore me and him for almost a month.”

“This is new. Are you referring to Agent Stone?”

“She’s the only Hayley I know.”

“Is the dream just a manifestation of a fear you have that she will ignore you--”

“No. She’s outright ignoring Buck and I. If it doesn’t pertain to a mission she excuses herself and walks away.”

“What other things would you like her to talk about, Captain Rogers?”

Steve shakes his head and sighs.

“I want he to talk to me like she used to. This is the girl I told you about. The girl who…”

“I remember. The one you said you were almost as close to as you are to Sergeant Barnes. You were conflicted about your feelings for her.”

“ _Was_ being the operative word.”

“You no longer are?”

“No.”

“How do you feel about her now?”

“I love her.”

“That’s a very heavy statement coming from you, Captain Rogers.”

“I know,” he says softly. “I know it is.”

“Have you ever been in love before?”

“Once. But even that isn’t like this. This is...I don’t know how to explain it. Hayley’s something special. But she doesn’t seem to believe that.”

“No?”

“You talk to her. You know damn well what the hell she’s gone through.”

Gavanaugh nods.

“And this has caused issues for you?”

“Not just me. Bucky’s in as deep as I am over this girl.”

“Has that caused any issues between you and Sergeant Barnes?”

“If you’re asking me if we’re fighting the answer is no.”

“But there have been issues.”

“Yes. We both want her. We thought we could convince her to date us both.”

“You’re referring to a polyamorous relationship.”

“Yes. It seems the best way to do it since we both like her.”

“You would in essence be sharing her.”

“I’m aware. So is he.”

“Have you brought this up to Agent Stone?”

Steve laughs.

“No. No one can get past the blockade she’s put up. She’s so deep inside those walls she built...she’s not coming out. They said to give her time. How the fuck much time do we give her to show her no one here is going to do her dirty like that fucking prick Lannister did?”

“Wounds heal differently for different people. Some people take more time to recover than others. Some people never recover, Captain Rogers.”

Steve looks up at Gavanaugh in horror. 

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m simply stating a fact. I never said that would be the case with Agent Stone.”

“I don’t want her to be afraid of me. I miss her.”

“How have you been dealing with those feelings?”

“Drawing. I have several sketchbooks full of portraits I’ve done of her. A few of Bucky and I, a few more of just Bucky.”

“Are those your only subjects?”

“The only ones I really want to draw. Nothing against the others, I just…”

“You’re closest to Agent Stone and Sergeant Barnes. You draw what your heart holds dearest. I understand. Has drawing them helped?”

“No. Sometimes. Not really. I don’t know,” Steve sighs. “I think about her, I draw her, I miss her more. It’s a never ending cycle.”

“Is this affecting you on missions?”

“No. But it is a pain in the ass being short an agent because she either can’t run them or isn’t allowed to.”

“Are the other agents not available? The recruits and seasoned agents?”

“They aren’t Hayley. They aren’t my team.”

“Why would you separate the two?”

Steve opens his mouth to say something and then stops.

“You didn’t refer to them together. Is Agent Stone not part of the team?”

“She is.”

“But you don’t see her that way.”

“I do so.”

Gavanaugh sits quietly.

“She means a lot to me. I don’t want to see her hurt.”

“Would you put her well being above the others on a mission?”

“I put everyone’s well being at the forefront, Doctor. No one person takes precedence over another. Not Haley. Not Bucky. I know the two of them can take care of themselves. My whole team can. That’s why we’re all still walking upright.”

“What about your well being?”

“Oh god…”

“It’s a legitimate question.”

“What about my well being?”

“Yes.”

“I look out for everyone else first. Bucky has my back. Hayley...Hayley would have my back in the field. She’d have all our backs. She’s a damn good agent.”

“Have you worked with her in the field?”

“No. Nat and Clint have. So has Buck.”

“They’ve given you good feedback?”

“Yes. She saw Bucky through a fever episode. She never lost her cool. Even when he tried to run outside naked into a snow storm.”

Steve sees the doctor try and hide the amused smile on her face. 

“She ran a mission with Natasha in half the time they were allotted,” Steve continues. “Clint says she’s thorough and focused. She’s what we need.”

“What you need or what you want, Captain Rogers? The distinction there is crucial.”

“Both,” he says firmly. “She is both.”

He’s never been so sure of something in his life. 

Gavanaugh nods her head. 

“I don’t know what to do to make her come around, though.”

“You give her as much time as she needs, Captain Rogers. Time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t work as fast as the super soldier serum.”

==================================================================

Hayley stands in front of her closet looking at the red dress Wanda had taken her to buy for the last party. She can’t believe she wore this thing. It’s wretched looking. She probably looked like a hooker. She’s definitely no Julia Roberts. 

She has to find another dress. In order to be able to go on missions again she has to prove to Gavanaugh she’s not afraid to put herself out there. Such bullshit. What does mingling with a bunch of drunk douchebags have to do with completing a mission? It’s a fucking scam. Whatever. Hayley knows she has to play by their rules in order to get what she wants. She wants to request to be reassigned to Siberia again. Permanently. She can’t do that until she gets the all clear from Gavanaugh. It’s the second biggest crock of shit she’s heard this week. The first was Barton asking her if she wanted to come home with him and spend some time away from the compound. Who the fuck does that? Go home with him? Nope. What would Steve and Bucky think about that?”

“Oh god,” she moans. She’s tried to ignore any thoughts of those two but it’s proven to be damn near impossible. Her heart aches more and more every day. What if they meant what they said? What if they really are sincere? What if they see her for more than what she thinks she is? 

Gavanaugh keeps telling Hayley she can’t hide in this cave of crazy anymore. That Lannister made her feel useless to control her. Lannister doesn’t have the control. He never did. Hayley has it. She just has to believe that. But Hayley doesn’t know how to. How could anyone not be able to see that she’s useless?

Steve’s sketches showed a different side. Steve drew her as he saw her. At least that’s what he said. And those sketches were so fucking beautiful. Hayley _never_ saw herself as anything even remotely resembling what Steve showed her. 

And Bucky, the charming shit that he is, made her dinner. He fucking cooked dinner. They set up this elaborate little dining area for her and everything. 

What if she’s wrong about them? About everyone? What if Gavanaugh is right? What if she’s still letting Lannister control her after all this time? 

“What if they’re wrong and I get hurt again?” she asks herself. It’s not worth the risk. Not again. She doesn’t want to go back to the psych ward. She doesn’t want to rot in a cell. She just wants out of here and as far away from the Avengers as possible. 

She needs a dress for this goddamn party. Hayley heads out to go shopping. Alone. 

==================================================================

“How was your visit with the head shrinker?” Bucky asks as Steve drops the pizza boxes on the coffee table for them.

“We talked about you and Hayley.”

Bucky’s eyes widen.

“Why?”

“Just sort of came up,” Steve says sitting down on the couch beside Bucky. “She asked me how you and I were getting along and things just kind of went from there.”

“I thought she wasn’t allowed to talk about us. Doctor-Patient confidentiality bullshit,” Bucky says as he drops a couple of slices of pizza onto a plate.

“Nothing specific about you two, it revolved around me and how I’m dealing with shit.”

“How are you dealing with shit?” Bucky jokes.

“Not well. Same as you, asshole.”

Bucky nods his head. 

“Have you seen her?”

“Yesterday at weapons training,” Bucky replies. “She’s a good shot. I heard Clint asked her to go home with him.”

Steve chokes on his pizza. Bucky slaps him on the back a few times. 

“What?”

“Just to try and get her out of the compound because Fury has her locked down till Gavanaugh gives her the all clear. He says he thought it would do her some good to get some fresh air and help him on the farm.”

“He just wants help on the farm,” Steve laughs. “Smartass.”

“She turned him down.”

“Not surprising. She doesn’t trust any of us. Wanda’s afraid to go near her now because of that hundred yard glare Hayley does.”

“I heard her in Gavanaugh’s office one day,” Bucky says as he reaches for a beer. Steve is all ears now.

“Do tell.”

“She was flipping shit on Gavanaugh,” Bucky says with a laugh. “Belting out obscenities that would have made a sailor blush.”

“God I bet that was a sight.”

“Has she ever been that vocal around you?”

“Screaming foul language at me or around me? No,” Steve says. “I don’t know if I want to see that side of her either.”

“Gavanaugh hit a nerve, that’s for sure.”

“Wonder what she said?” Steve muses. Bucky shrugs and chomps into his pizza.

“Are you going to this stupid party?” he asks Steve after a few minutes. 

“That thing Tony’s throwing for something? You know I’m expected to be there.”

“Gavanaugh says I should go and try to mingle with people,” Bucky tells him. There’s a definite nervousness in Bucky’s voice. 

“You used to be the king of mingling,” Steve says joking a little.

“Used to be. Not anymore. I’m not that guy--”

“You’re still you, Buck. Don’t give me that shit. You’ve changed, but you’re still you. The biggest jerk in New York.”

“Why do I hang out with your punk ass?”

“Because you can only tolerate Sam in small doses,” Steve says with a laugh.

“This is true.”

“Are you going to go?”

“I don’t have anything to wear, Steve,” Bucky replies defiantly. 

“I have a tux you can borrow. Or wear your uniform,” Steve suggests. Bucky grunts and grabs more pizza.

“You eat like a goddamn pig,” Steve chides him. Bucky shoves half the slice in his mouth.

“Says the guy who can down two whole pies in fifteen minutes,” Bucky mumbles through a mouthful of pizza.

“Says the guy who eats donuts like there’s no tomorrow,” Steve fires back.

“Says the guy who ate an entire fucking cheesecake because he was bored.”

“Listen, asshole, I was hungry and that’s all that was here to eat.”

“Yeah, because New York doesn’t have places that deliver all hours of the goddamn night. Shut up, punk,” Bucky laughs. “That was supposed to be for Wanda.”

“I was hungry.”

“For a whole cheesecake.”

“Why am I arguing with the guy who walked around with powdered sugar all over his goddamn face for three hours?”

“Fuck you. You could have told me,” Bucky growls.

“Why? That was the funniest thing I’d seen all week,” Steve says and then laughs when Bucky glares at him. 

“Fuckin’ punk.”

“Shut up. I have a tux you can borrow. Or we can try and find your dress greens.”

“We’ll see. The game is on, chew with your mouth closed.”

Steve smacks his lips and chews louder until it starts to hurt his jaw. 

==================================================================

Hayley is headed back to her quarters from her shopping trip when she sees Steve running down the hall in his stealth gear trying to get the shield onto his back. He slows down when he sees her. The shield is still giving him a hard time. 

“Hails--Agent Stone,” he says softly. 

“Captain Rogers.”

He nods his head and starts to walk away. 

“Be careful.”

It makes him stop. She’s not sure what to do now. Why the fuck did she say anything?

“I will,” he says looking at her again. “Thank you.”

“Now, Steve! We have to go!” Sam bellows from the other end of the hall. Steve gives her a faint smile and he lingers just a moment longer before running off again. That soft smile on his plump lips makes her head swim. That wasn’t so bad, though, right? Just...just telling him to be safe? That was okay. It’s not anything meaningful really. Just expressing some respect for the man by telling him to come home safe. That’s all.

That’s what she continues to tell herself the rest of the night. 

==================================================================

Bucky is a fucking wreck. He’s been anxious the entire day about this goddamn party. He told Steve he would go, Steve gave him his tux and now Bucky doesn’t want to go. He hates large gatherings. They’re nerve wracking. What if someone recognizes him? What a shit show that will be. Then there’s the fact that Tony is hosting this thing and there’s no love lost there. 

“Will you calm down?” Wanda says as she sits next to him at the table. “Look, you’re so wound up you won’t even eat your donut.”

“I don’t want it.”

“You’re like a little kid, you know that?”

“Says the little kid--”

“I will haunt your dreams, Barnes,” she growls. 

“I’m already haunted, Princessa.”

She frowns at him. He pats her hand to let her know he’s just fucking with her. 

“It won’t be that bad, Buck. They never are. It’s just people drinking, laughing, dancing, watching Tony do Tony things while Pepper cringes in embarrassment…”

“Sounds lovely. I don’t want to go.”

“I’m going and that means you are, too.”

“Where’s Hails?”

“I don’t know, Buck. I haven’t seen her. She’s like a goddamn shadow these days, appearing for a moment before disappearing back into the darkness.”

“She’s been trained to do that, Wanda.”

“Yeah, and conditioned to believe that everyone hates her. I know.”

“Have you tried to talk to her?”

“That death stare scares me. She looks like you when you’re in murder mode.”

“Murder mode?” Bucky asks. 

“You know, when you’re on a mission and shit is going wrong and you just...murder mode.”

“Lovely.”

He didn’t realize this was a thing he did till just now.

“It’s not a bad thing, Buck. You’ve saved our asses on a few occasions with that mode. It doesn’t mean you’re reverting back to anything.”

“Because it never left me, Wanda.”

“It never will,” she says gently. “But you’ve adapted that and made it useful.”

“Hmph.”

“Don’t grunt at me. Eat your donut before Tony gets it.”

“He can have it. I don’t really have an appetite, Princessa.”

“It’s going to be fine. Just go and get it over with and then you can tell Gavanaugh you went. You don’t even have to tell her how long you stayed.”

“Fair enough,” he says getting up from the table. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, Bucky.”

Bucky heads back to his quarters to try and take a nap before he starts getting cleaned up for this thing. It wouldn’t be bad if Steve was here. It probably wouldn’t be bad if he hadn’t woke up having to vomit because of the violent nightmare he had. He’d spent the rest of the morning cleaning his bathroom. He’s used to having Steve around when he has an episode like this. He doesn’t even have to talk about it, just having Steve there...it makes him feel grounded, safe. Steve’s not here, Bucky’s having a goddamn panic attack and he’s got no way of dealing with it. 

He sits on the edge of his bed and does his damndest to try meditating like Gavanaugh had suggested.

==================================================================

Hayley puts on the all black cocktail dress and looks at herself in the mirror. She grimaces at what she sees. Nothing like what Steve sees, that’s for damn sure. She reminds herself that she has to do this so she can get off of Gavanaugh’s radar and move on with her goddamn life. 

Hayley’s applying eyeliner when she wonders if Bucky is going to this thing. She didn’t see him running off with Steve. Sam, Nat, Clint, and Steve are all off the grounds for one reason or another. Wanda she heard was injured and Vision is...well...whatever he does when Wanda’s not well. 

She finishes her makeup and steps into her heels. It’s do or die time now. She wrings her hands nervously and heads to the party. 

==================================================================

This was a mistake. This was a mistake on such a grand scale that Bucky should never have contemplated going to this goddamn thing. The second he set foot into the fucking room all eyes were on him. He cleaned himself up. He shaved. He pulled his hair back. He’s dressed in a tux. What the fuck? 

He tried to blow it off as just paranoia. He went to the bar and got a double Scotch. He can hear the conversation going on behind him. The small group of people talking about him. Talking about what he was. Talking about him murdering Tony’s parents.

“Why the hell would he invite that animal here?”

“I don’t think Stark knows he’s here to be honest.”

“Someone should tell him.”

“Can you believe they let him run with the Avengers? How’s that for Affirmative Action?”

“I can’t believe he’s off his leash. Where is his keeper?”

“Rogers? Probably off saving the world and turning a blind eye to his pet war dog.”

Bucky feels sick. He’s shaking so badly he can barely put the glass back down on the bar. He needs air. He can’t breathe. He needs to get outside to get some air. 

==================================================================

Hayley had circled the room twice, smiling and nodding at people like she saw everyone else doing. She was headed to the bar when she saw Bucky shakily put his glass down and then weave his way through the party to the balcony. Something is wrong. Her first concern is that Steve isn’t here and Bucky’s in the throws of a PTSD episode and he’s going to…

“Excuse me. Please, excuse me,” she says pushing past people. “Move,” she growls at a drunken man who tries to block her path.

“Easy, baby, I just wanna dance.”

“Go dance with your left hand, asshole,” she says pushing him away. She has to find Bucky. _Has to_. 

She finally gets to the balcony and he’s nowhere to be seen. Panic floods her senses. Jesus Christ...what if he...no. No, he’s stronger than that. Somebody would have noticed…

She walks around the outside till she finally sees him. He’s alone, sitting on a wrought iron bench, his head down, hands shaking between his knees. He hears the sound of her heels on the ground and he looks up. He’s terrified and near tears.

“Hayley...please…”

It’s a cry for help. One she doesn’t ignore. 

Hayley puts her hand on the back of his neck and lets him rest his head on her stomach. His hands clutch her hips and begins to knead into her in a worrying fashion. He’s taking short, shallow breaths and she can feel him shaking. 

“Shhh...it’s okay, James. It’s okay,” she whispers trying to calm him. “It’s alright now.”

==================================================================

Bucky is beyond shocked to see Hayley standing in front of him. He could barely manage to say her name and say please, hoping she would understand. She did. She understood and he’s so goddamn thankful she did. 

He feels her hand on the back of his neck, cool and soft. He can’t breathe. He can’t catch his breath and his chest hurts and he’s scared…

“Is everything okay?”

That’s Wanda’s voice. Bucky turns his head away from her so she doesn’t see the tears or the panic on his face. 

“He’s fine. He ate some of that disgusting caviar and it turned his stomach,” Hails tells her. Bucky couldn’t be more surprised or relieved by this. She’s covering for him so he doesn’t have to feel embarrassed.

“I’ll be sure to stay away from it if it turned his stomach. Are you going to be alright, Bucky?”

“Yes,” he manages to say. 

“I’ll stay with him till he’s ready to go back inside.”

“If you need anything let me know, okay?” Wanda tells them. Bucky’s not able to respond.

“We’ll be alright,” Hayley assures her. Bucky hears Wanda’s small steps fade away. 

“Slow down, Bucky. Slow down,” Hayley whispers. He feels her tugging on the hair tie in his hair and once she has it out she gently combs her fingers through his hair. He can feel her taking deeper breaths and he does his best to match her breathing. 

She stays like this with him for a long while. Bucky’s breathing evens out finally, but his chest still hurts and he’s still shaking. He can’t go back in there and face those people again. 

==================================================================

Hayley holds onto Bucky as he settles down. He’s breathing a little better but he’s still shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. Something or someone inside that party upset him. It’s pretty obvious he doesn’t want to go back in there and she’s honestly afraid to leave him alone. She can’t walk away from Bucky when he’s like this. She may be a lot of things but a heartless cunt is not one of them.

“It’s getting cold out here, sweetheart,” she whispers as the night breeze blows over her exposed shoulders. Bucky lifts his head.

“I’m sorry, Hails--”

“Don’t. You’re fine. But if I find out someone in that room caused this, they won’t be.”

“Are you going to blow their fucking brains out?”

There’s a hint of a smile on his lips. He remembers a little more about the cabin than he’s let on.

“You’re goddamn right I will.”

He stands up, sheds his jacket and puts it over her shoulders. Hayley places her hand on his face and caresses his jaw. He looks over his shoulder and then back at her. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he says softly. 

“If anyone asks you’re taking me back to my quarters because I’ve had too much to drink and I’m very tired,” Hayley tells him. It’s a cover story, one that will save him from any embarrassing questions and it’s plausible. She drinks, she can get drunk, so why the fuck not? Who cares what these other fucks think?

He nods his head and gives a nervous glance towards the party. 

“Bucky, it’s okay. Let’s get the fuck out of here. Put your arm around my waist like you’re holding me up.”

He gingerly slips his arm around her and he starts panic breathing again.

“Stay calm. I’m right beside you,” she promises. She lays her head on his shoulder and puts her arm around him, leaning on him for effect. He squeezes her hip and she pats his hand. He needs to be grounded. Gavanaugh had actually told Hayley she needs the same thing and asked about things Hayley does (without realizing she was doing it) to ground herself. Holding something tightly is one of those things. 

They walk back slowly towards the party. He slows down till he nearly stops. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay,” she whispers to him. He squeezes her hip again and they start to walk. 

No one says anything to them, thankfully. They just move out of the way as Hayley and Bucky pass them. Once they’re out of the penthouse they head for the elevators. 

As soon as the doors are shut Bucky is starts to crumble again. 

“I can’t breathe--”

“Okay, okay. It’s okay, honey. Look at me. Where are we?”

“Elevators.”

“Right. And where are we going?”

“I don’t...I don’t know…”

“Do you want to go to your quarters? You can get out of that goddamn monkey suit?”

He nods his head yes. 

“So we go to your place, you can change into whatever makes James Barnes happy and relax. You’re out of that screwball fucking party. It’s gone. We ain’t goin’ back.”

He takes a shaky step closer to her and then hugs her. Haley hugs him back, holding him tightly, much like he did for her when she broke down in the kitchen that day. 

==================================================================

The elevator doors open and Bucky releases Hayley. Reluctantly releases her. He needs her. He’s out of the party but he’s not out of the woods. She puts her hand in his and they walk to his quarters together. Bucky opens the door and she follows him inside. 

“I need to sit down,” he mumbles. His head is swimming violently because of his erratic breathing. Hayley walks with him over to the couch and they sit down. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your evening, Hayley.”

“You didn’t, sweetheart. You scared the hell out of me when I saw you at the bar and then you disappeared on the balcony.”

He looks at her.

“You were worried? I thought…” 

“No, no. Slow down, sweetheart,” she whispers when Bucky starts breathing erratically again. She rubs his back but he’s so confused and upset right now and things are just so fucked up…

She slides a little closer to him and loops her arm through his, then puts her head on his shoulder. 

“I won’t leave you, Bucky. I won’t walk away.”

Tears well up in his eyes. Not for himself, but for her and the pain he can hear in her voice. She’s scared. 

“I know, kitten,” he whispers as he wipes his eyes with his free hand. “I think that’s why you came after me.”

“I was scared for you. I don’t want anything to happen to you or to Steve. In my epic stupidity I ended up causing all three of us grief, didn’t I?”

“It’s not your fault, Hayley.”

“It is. Gavanaugh says I’m the only one that can control me. I just needed to believe it. Lannister doesn’t have that power anymore.”

Bucky rests his head on hers. She’s opening up to him. It’s a diversionary tactic, she’s trying to take his mind off of what happened at the part, but she’s doing it by making herself vulnerable to him. She’s trusting him. Diversion successful. 

“I went to this fucking party because Gavanaugh tried to tell me I’m afraid of people and that I had to learn to socialize, and that if I wanted back on the available list I had to prove to her I could do this. I only did it because…”

She grips his arm tighter and takes a deep breath. Oh god...what is she about to say?

“Because I was going to ask to be assigned so Siberia permanently—“

“Hayley, no...please...no,” he begs. She hugs his arm again and he can hear the dry click in her throat when she swallows. She’s not finished. 

“I’ve been desperately trying to avoid you and Steve and everyone. Everyone isn’t a problem. It’s you and Steve. I didn’t want to admit to myself how much I...how…Jesus Christ...how much I missed you. It hurt like hell seeing you in passing and putting up that wall over and over and over. I thought if I could get away that I’d forget about you and you’d forget about me and…”

Bucky takes her hand and laces their fingers together. He stays quiet, he wants her to speak her piece without interruption even though there’s a million things he wants to tell her right now. 

“When I say you tonight at the bar and I saw how badly you were shaking my only concern was getting to you. I didn’t care about anything else, Bucky. When I couldn’t find you on the balcony I panicked. I thought for a second…but then I found you. I found you and all I wanted to do was protect you and make you feel safe again. Because no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, no matter where I go I can’t escape how I feel about you and Steve. I’m sorry for being such a raging cunt to you, Bucky. If Steve were here I’d apologize to him, too.”

Bucky pulls her onto his lap and she wraps her arms around him and rests her head on his. Bucky lays his head on her shoulder and hugs her. 

“I’m not mad, kitten. I was never mad at you. I’ve missed you and I’ve been worried. I didn’t think you cared.”

She lifts her head and leans back so she can look at him. Tears spill from her pretty green eyes.

“I never stopped caring. I don’t think I ever will.”

He caresses her cheek and smiles. 

“I know you care, Hails. You didn’t have to come after me. I want you to know how grateful I am that you did. I wouldn’t have made it out of there without you.”

“This dress is highly uncomfortable.”

The shift in the tone of the conversation makes Bucky laugh brightly. 

“Take it off.”

“Tempting. But I’m not about to start world war three because you saw me naked first.”

“That’s bullshit,” Bucky says skewing an eyebrow at her. 

“Sure it is.”

“You saw me naked.”

“You really didn’t give me a choice, Barnes. Like literally no warning, just shed the blankets, stretched, and announced you were going after Steve before the Army strung him up.”

Bucky laughs more. 

“Do you have _any_ idea how hard it is to wrangle a naked super soldier who’s in the middle of a fever dream?”

Bucky is still laughing. 

“Because it’s not fun, I assure you. I had to convince you - in RUSSIAN - that Steve was at your apartment with some broad you called Dot waiting for you to come home. Who the fuck is Dot, Bucky?”

Bucky can’t stop laughing now. He’s holding onto her waist and just rocking with laughter at this. He feels bad for Hayley for putting her through this, but to hear her tell the tale is fucking hysterical. 

“I’m...I’m so sorry,” he pants. 

“Thank god I learned Russian along the way because god knows what the fuck would have happened. I’m sure Dot and Steve would have been thrilled to hear about this.”

“Oh Steve will be, I’m sure. Dot was some dame I met one night that I tried to impress. Or was that Mabel? Or Ethel?”

“I knew you were a fuckin’ player!”

Bucky bursts out laughing again. She giggles a little bit and then smiles warmly.

“Better now, sweetheart?”

“Much. Thank you, kitten. Thank you so much,” he says and runs his thumb over her lips. 

“Lovely shade of red on your glove isn’t it?”

“He looks at his thumb and shrugs. He pulls the glove off with his teeth and tosses it onto the coffee table. 

“About this dress,” he says running his hands over her sides. It’s crushed velvet and it feels amazing. It looks amazing on her, too. 

“Let me go change—“

“Stay here, Hails. Please,” he begs. He knows how desperate he sounds but he’s not ready to be alone yet. Especially since this is the closest he’s ever been to her. “I have stuff you can wear.”

“Bucky…okay, okay,” she says, giving in. 

“Don’t be upset.”

“I’m not,” she says sliding off of his lap. He stands up next to her and she uses his arm to balance herself as she unstraps her heels. There’s a huge sigh of relief from her once she gets them off her feet.

“You know you’re beautiful in that get up right?” He asks. 

“I look like a high priced whore.”

“Hayley!”

She blinks innocently at him. 

“Uh uh. Don’t talk like that. I don’t want to hear that shit from you, doll. You’re a fucking bombshell. This dress, that red number you had on for the last party—“

“You saw that? I didn’t see you there, but I was only there long enough to see Sharon try and sex up Steve so…”

“I saw you when you went down with Wanda. I came running back here to try and find something decent to wear so I could dance with you, Hayley.”

He feels the heat on his face from this admission. Her green eyes soften and she looks like she’s moved by this. 

“I’ve haven’t danced with anyone in years, Buck.”

“Will you dance with me now?” He asks. This shit is straight off the cuff for him. He’s not done this in forever, but it feels right and she’s too fucking beautiful to pass up a chance to dance with her.

“I’d love to,” she says with the biggest smile. “Let me put these back on—“

“Fuck ‘em,” he says taking her shoes and tossing them toward the door. “You don’t need them. FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“Play Lena Horne _You Go To My Head_.”

===========================================================

Hayley hears the soft jazz start up and then a sultry voice starts to sing. Bucky takes her hand in his, places his other hand on her hip and pulls her closer. They begin to slowly move to the music. Bucky slides his hand to the small of her back and pulls her that much closer. His blue eyes sparkle. Gone is the fear and tears and pain from early. Hayley’s mesmerized by the warmth and adoration she sees in them now. Lena croons in the background and the world fades away leaving just the two of them. It’s like heaven. The sweet smile on Bucky’s face makes her heart beat that much faster. 

“FRIDAY, play _Sleepy Lagoon_ by Dinah Shore. Play all similar songs,” Bucky orders. 

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes.”

A new song starts to play. Another female crooner, another slow jazz song and goddammit it sounds amazing. She’s never heard of these songs. They’re hypnotic. Or maybe it’s Buck. Maybe it’s this dark haired god with his sharp jaw, cerulean blue eyes, soft lips…

Bucky tilts his head and presses his lips to hers ever so softly. She closes her eyes and lets the moment envelope her. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Bucky confesses. She opens her eyes slowly. She feels almost drunk. He smiles and they start to dance again. 

Hayley rests her head on Bucky’s shoulder and closes her eyes again. God this is...this is...she can’t find the words to describe what this is, how this feels...all she knows is that this is the happiest she’s been in months.

“Want to get changed, doll?” Bucky asks when the last song ends. 

“Sure,” she says dreamily. He chuckles and kisses her temple. Hayley lifts her head and takes a partial step back from Bucky. He doesn’t let her out of his arms, and he’s still smiling that same gorgeous smile...how the fuck does he not have a fleet of women at his beck and call?

“You okay, kitten?”

“I don’t know, Buck. I’ve never done something like that before.”

“Danced?”

“Danced. Like that. With someone like you.”

He runs his fingers over her cheek.

“Not gonna lie, doll, I’m glad I’m your first.”

She laughs. 

“So bad,” he teases. “I have stuff you can wear, kitten. Don’t go back to your place till you have to.”

“Alright.”

===========================================================

Bucky waits outside of his bedroom for Hayley to finish changing. He changed in the bathroom - reluctantly. He wants to see her naked. He’s dying to see her body. He hasn’t touched a dame since the forties and as far as he’s concerned he may as well be a goddamn virgin again. Not like he was some kind of pussy slayer back in the day. Two women. He’s slept with two women. He’s not sure the first one should count because he blew his load as soon as he got inside her. The second one he was much better with. He also wasn’t drunk like he was with the first. 

He shakes his head. Steve’s gotten laid more than he has. Goddamn showgirls. That’s a fine education that guy got. 

“Buck?”

“Right here, doll,” he answers from his spot against the wall where he's leaning. 

“I can’t get the fucking zipper down.”

He purses his lips to keep from laughing. 

“Can I come in and help, kitten?”

“Well, yeah,” she retorts. Obviously by her tone this was her intent.

“Smartass,” he mutters as he opens the door slowly. He’s still grinning as he walks in. His cock jumps in his jogging pants at the sight of her. She’s got the dress unzipped right to the small of her back but there it’s stopped. She’s standing there in a black strapless bra fighting with the zipper. 

“Hold on, Hails,” he says walking up behind her. He moves her hands and tries his luck at the zipper. It is most assuredly stuck. He doesn’t want to rip her pretty dress and make her mad. He also doesn’t know how long he can stand here and not touch her bare skin...what’s this?”

“Hails, what’s this?” He asks touching the top of what looks like a scar. Her hand immediately flies to cover the mark. 

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” she replies hastily. He remembers what Clint told him. She was stabbed. That’s where they got her. Looks like they did a bang up fucking job. What’d they use? A fucking rusty spoon?

“It’s alright, kitten. You don’t have to be upset about it,” he says gently. Her hand slowly leaves that spot. She’s got a line of beauty marks that travel along her spine. He’s dying to touch her. Goddammit.

The zipper. Focus on the fucking zipper. 

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters at himself. 

“It’s stuck tight. You can’t even get it.”

“I don’t want to rip the dress, doll. I can get it, but...yeah…”

“Just fucking rip it if you have to, Buck. I have to pee.”

He starts laughing. 

“You’re something else, Hails.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop it,” he says squeezing her ass. She jumps and Bucky worries he overstepped his boundaries until he hears her moan softly. That moan goes straight to his cock. 

“Sorry, Hails,” he says quickly. He goes back to trying to get the zipper down. She smells like heaven. It’s clouding his mind. 

“Buck, just rip the goddamn thing.”

“Hayley if I rip this dress it won’t be just the zipper I tear.”

She glances over her shoulder at him. Her eyes are dark. 

“Oh?” She asks.

“I’ll tear the fucking dress off of you.”

She looks forward again. 

“I can’t get the zipper, kitten,” he says quietly. He runs his fingers along her spine and her skin erupts with goosebumps. 

“What do you want to do?” She whispers. Bucky knows what he wants to do. His cock is already leaking precum to the point he can feel it soaking through his briefs. 

He runs his hands over her bare arms. 

“Get you out of that dress,” he says, his voice deep with need.

“Then get me out of it.”

He grabs the fabric and tears it, pulling it apart and letting it fall to the floor around her feet. She’s in matching panties and thigh high stockings. Bucky watches as she turns around to face him. Her pupils are blown out in lust, the green is nearly gone. He pulls her into his arms and presses his lips to hers. She parts his lips with her tongue and explores his mouth while he picks her up and carries her to the bed. His hands go to her back to undo the clasps of the bra and then he flings it off to the side of the room. He kisses her again, feeling her shift and grind against his erection and goddamn does it take all his willpower not to rip her panties off and go to town on her. He wants her to come first. He wants her to get off so she’s not left disappointed should he fail her. Super soldier serum or not, it’s been seventy years and jacking off isn’t the same as a real pussy. And this is Hayley. This is his girl. He wants her to be pleased. He wants to satisfy her. 

Bucky dips down to the nape of her neck and nips at her. She gasps and arches up into him. She grabs his arms and he can feel her nails digging for purchase into his flesh. That’s alright. He keeps working his way down til he gets to her breasts. He sucks and kneads and pinches her taut nipples till she’s almost a mewling mess. God she’s fucking gorgeous like this. He sits up and pulls her panties off. He can see how wet she is. 

“Left or right, kitten?” 

“Left.”

He’s not sure if she knows what he’s asking but she’s about to find out. He dips two fingers into her and suddenly she’s writhing and grasping at the blankets. 

“J-James,” she stammers as he starts to scissor his fingers inside her. He leans down and sucks hard on her breasts, taking turns with each one, grazing her sensitive nipples with his teeth. She gives him what he’s after - moaning and panting his name over and over. He loves the sound. He adds a third finger and pumps and as soon as he starts to move them she cries out and her legs shake. He feels her clenching on him as she comes. He pumps his fingers slowly, letting her ride out her orgasm till she’s still. 

He pulls his fingers from her and pops them into his mouth. She moans loudly, deeply, _hungrily_. 

He leans back over her and kisses her, letting her taste her own juices. She moans into his mouth and he feels her hands trying to force his jogging pants down. He’s beyond ready at this point. He pulls them down just enough to get his cock out and then pushes himself inside her. 

“James,” she gasps as he fully seats himself inside her. 

“Hayley,” he moans quietly. It’s been too long since he’s been inside a woman. His release is going to happen in a matter of a few thrusts and he can’t stop it. She grinds up into him and Bucky’s body takes over, rocking his hips and thrusting into her sweet wetness. 

He comes hard after a few thrusts, his body tensing as he empties into her. 

Now comes the shame. 

He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. He can’t look at her. How the fuck does this happen? He’s supposed to be a goddamn super soldier—

He feels her fingers in his hair, softly pulling as she runs her fingers from root to tip. 

“Hayley…”

“You’re alright, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry,” he manages to choke out. 

She pulls him down so he’s laying on her now and goes back to running her fingers through his hair. 

“Don’t be.”

She doesn’t understand. How could she? How is she going to look at him after this?

He wants to slink away now and hide. 

“Don’t be upset, honey. Please. Don’t be upset about this. I’m not.”

“I haven’t...it’s been seventy years…” he tries to explain. “I didn’t mean to disappoint you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I didn’t,” he repeats disbelievingly. 

“No. You’re actually quite attentive. It’s nice not having someone just get off and leave you to your own devices after.”

He lifts his head and looks at her. She’s serious. 

She runs her fingers along his jaw and smiles. He shifts and he feels her walls flutter around his cock. He’s hard. He can do this right this time. 

He rolls his hips slowly into her and Hayley’s head drops back deep into his pillows, a long, low moan escaping her. He reaches between them and runs his thumb over her clit. She whines and grabs her breasts, squeezing them in time with his thrusts. 

He can feel her fluttering more around him, she’s close. So is he. He circles her clit faster, snapping his hips to match the speed. Hayley unravels, clenching his cock inside her, crying out his name as she pulls him in deeper. He has to prop himself up with both arms as his own release hits him, coming deep inside her for a second time. 

They lay there for a few minutes, panting, sweating, happy. He’s happy. He hopes she is. 

“Better?” He asks, raising his head to look at her. She grabs the back of his head and kisses him passionately. Yeah, he’d say it was better.

===========================================================

Hayley is cuddled with Bucky on the couch, both of them cleaned up, both of them wearing his clothes. Bucky is amused by this because she’s swimming in his jogging pants but his tank top he gave her is stretched to the limit over her tits. 

They’re spread out on the couch, Bucky laying on top of her, his head on her chest. 

“Your stomach is making terrible noises, doll.”

“I’m hungry. I’m always hungry.”

“I don’t have anything quick I can cook you, kitten,” he says apologetically. He sits up and gives her a sad look. 

“I didn’t ask you to cook. I don’t want you to worry with it.”

“Hails...this is probably the wrong time to bring this up, but…”

“I’m on birth control. Relax. I can’t stand having Aunt Flo just show up when the fuck ever she wants.”

He’s a little surprised by this. 

“No, doll, not what I was going to say, but that’s good to know.”

She gives him a curious look, but then her eyes darken.

“Steve,” she says quietly. 

“Steve. I don’t want lose you. I don’t want to fight with him. This...what just happened here...it’s more than I’ve hoped for since I met you, Hayley. Steve and I…” 

He’s not sure how to proceed with this. Should he even bring this up without Steve being here? Should they keep this a secret from him?

She shifts underneath him and he can see he’s made her uneasy. 

“Hayley, no, this isn’t something you did wrong. This was—“

“I’m not coming between you two. I won’t. Tell him what you want. I don’t want to be the reason you two fight,” she says. She’s trying to get away. If she runs Bucky knows that will be the end of this. All of it. Hayley Stone will vanish behind those walls forever. He can’t let that happen. 

“Stop,” he says taking her hands and holding them against his chest. “Stop. Calm down. We’ll just...I don’t want to pretend this didn’t happen, though, okay? I’ll talk to him when he gets back. If he’s going to be pissed at anyone it’ll be me—“

“No,” she says pulling free and getting off the couch. “No. I can’t let you...oh god what have I done…”

She’s in full panic mode now. He can already see the walls coming back. 

“Hayley, please, please don’t run, don’t block me out. I need you. Look at what you did for me tonight—“

“I fucked up your friendship with Steve!” She yells. “How could I be so fucking…”

“Sergeant Barnes, Director Fury would like to see you. He advises you bring your gear,” FRIDAY cuts in. Now is not the fucking time for this. 

“He needs to wait,” Bucky tells the AI. “Hayley—“

“Director Fury insists that you come now, Sergeant Barnes.”

“You should go. I’ll get my dress.”

Her voice is quiet and hollow sounding. Bucky’s heart is breaking. 

“This isn’t over. We are going to have this conversation, Hayley. Don’t think that if you run off I won’t find you. That Steve won’t find you.”

That came out as more of a threat than he’d intended and the look on her face tells him she took it as such.

“Keep the dress. I’ll have your clothes cleaned by the time you get back.”

“Hayley!”

“Sergeant Barnes—“

“Goddammit, FRIDAY!!”

The door shuts and Hayley is gone. 


End file.
